i do not wish for you to be overwhelmed,
or to fight the waves,
or to drown.

i only wish for you to be...

as i am now...
(as you taught me)

standing still,
no longer yearning for more.

come.
leave the water.
it is cold.
the tides are fickle.

come here to earth
and sit with me instead.
let us wait for the clouds to reveal the stars,
wait for the paths to unfold,
move forward,
feel alive again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

on the plane ride home, she was thinking about the previous night's events:

two old souls sat on a deserted beach, facing the sea. the older of the two spoke,

"Look. Do you see how vast the sea is? We are but grains of sand. We have little control. The universe unfolds as it wishes. Who are you to say that you can destroy something it has created? Circumstances did not work in your favor. Let go."

He added, "Do not hide behind your mask of glee. You are in pain. Call it what it is. If it is painful, then feel it."

She replied, "but i might crumple in a corner. Then what?"

"Then you stand up again."

 

Above the clouds now, she is looking at the world below. Her heart is sinking - aware that it is about to experience one of the loneliest moments of its beating life.

 

 

 

don't you understand, boy? your affection is a lie when you keep doing the things that hurt me...when you are fully aware they will hurt me. 

what is love without trust? it is not.

 

you have broken my heart.

tasting the bitter lost mistake of you

fallen flat faced on the floor

crushing my heart with your ugly shoe

flying past regret

why won't you miss me?

 

knocking on imaginary doors

peeping through imaginary holes

 

stealing looks, smiles

you smile.

but it never means anything, really.

never really means anything.

 

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing

(still in limbo)

"how are you?"

"stunned" would be a good word.

like picking at scabs,
remembering does not aid healing.

it re-opens the wound,
infects it,

makes it painful again.

oh, but to feel again,
it's fine by me to feel again.

goodbye slyeye. :)

moving on...

(maybe coming back someday...who knows?)

i've had some years to learn the ropes. i know these things.

keep in line.

i was in a sort of haze, drunk with music and sorrow magnified by the noise of the indulgent music loving crowd/friends and the amp feedback.

some stranger approached me and said something i did not initially understand partly because it was too loud inside, partly because my irritation for this person was blocking the communication signal.

i used to hate the word melancholy, i thought it trite and melodramatic. but no other word came close to the feeling - a death, not physical, but just as cutting.

leaning to hear him better, i finally got what the stranger was trying to say, he said he was leaving. I nodded. Aware, that he, in fact, had left long before.